Boundaries & Healing, Part 3: Boundary Violations

We now understand the concept of boundaries from Part 1, and in Part 2, we completed a meditation to establish firm boundaries.  Today we will look at boundary violations.  What is a boundary violation?  How can you recognize one?

ImageA boundary violation occurs any time an individual or entity fails to respect or disregards your boundaries.  Just like laws vary by country, boundaries vary by individual.  So, an action (like cussing) that violates one person’s boundary might be perfectly acceptable or even desired by another.  For this reason, it is important to practice humility and awareness when interacting with others.

Your emotional state will indicate if your boundary has been violated.  In Language of Emotions, Karla McLaren describes how our emotions clue us in to boundary invasion.  So-called “toxic” emotions, such as anger, guilt, or shame, often indicate a boundary violation.

“Creating a strong boundary around yourself and becoming aware of your personal proprioceptive territory can be difficult because the condition of our personal boundary is intimately connected to many of the supposedly troublesome emotions.  As a direct result, many of us don’t have a good connection to the boundary-restoring anger and shame that could help us revitalize our personal space….” (McLaren, “Language of Emotions,” 137.)

According to McLaren, anger indicates that your boundary is being invaded from the outside, and is a call to fortify your boundary.  When anger arises, she recommends that youImage ask what must be protected or restored. Guilt or authentic shame indicate that you are violating your boundaries internally (or harming yourself).  If you experience these emotions, ask who has been hurt?  What must be made right? By being self-aware, you can better understand your emotional cues and take action to end a boundary violation.

In addition, you might feel uncomfortable, ill-at-ease, or start questioning yourself or the situation.  Do thoughts about that one guy keep bothering you?  Did you feel queasy about something that happened at work?  These are signs that something is not right as far as your boundaries are concerned.

This post is part 3 in a multi-part series on boundaries and healing.  Part 4 will look at examples of boundary violations on the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual levels.  Until then, pay attention to your emotions.  Notice any anger, guilt, or shame and try to assess the boundary that has been violated.

 

 

Boundaries & Healing, Part 2: Establishing Boundaries

Part 1 of this series introduced the concept of boundaries, which help us to distinguish ourselves from others and declare what we are willing to allow into our lives.  Establishing effective boundaries helps us to stay safe when we are doing healing work.

Building and enforcing healthy boundaries is a long-term process and will not happen overnight.  As you uncover what you are no longer willing to experience, you will be challenged to behave in new ways and make different choices.

This visualization can help you to understand the current state of your boundaries and change your boundaries so that they truly support your highest good.  You can use this technique regularly as you are working on your boundaries to strengthen them.  Once you build firm boundaries internally, your external world will begin to reflect them back to you, and you will naturally feel safe and respected throughout your day.

tunnelbeach stairs1) Take a moment to center and breathe deeply, settling into your seat.  When you feel calm and clear, visualize a staircase in front of you.  Go down 11 steps until you reach a beach.  You are now in your subconscious mind.

boundary_full2) Walk to a smooth open space on the beach and imagine a circle forming in the sand around you.  Take a look at the circle and notice some details.  Does it fully surround you, or are there holes or gaps in the circle?  Is it symmetric, or are some parts of the line closer to you and others further away?  This circle represents your current boundaries.  If you would like, erase or re-draw the line so that it feels comfortable and right to you.  You might want to close up gaps or reform the circle so it is bigger or closer to your body.  You can also ask questions and get information about the gaps or shape if you would like to understand why it is that way.

beachcircle3) Are there any people, thoughts, objects, feelings, colors, or words inside the circle?  Look at each object that presents itself to you and check in with your gut.  Are you comfortable with this item in your sacred space?  If not, visualize yourself picking it up and placing it on the other side of the line.  Continue until you are pleased with everything inside the circle.  If there is something or someone stubborn inside your circle, you can call on your spirit guides or angels to help remove them.

4) Look outside the circle.  Are there any items, words, colors, people, or thoughts there?  Again look at each object and check in with your gut.  Do you want those items to remain outside the circle, or would you prefer that they be allowed into your sacred space?  Visualize yourself picking them up and moving them as seems appropriate.

5) Finally, retrace the circle into the sand and imagine that radiant blessings-222x308beams of light shoot from the sand up into the sky, completely surrounding you within your new boundary.  Feel safe and whole as you breathe in.  When you are ready, snap your fingers and watch the boundary become invisible.  You can trust that your new boundaries will remain with you as you go throughout your day.

6) Return to the staircase and count 11 steps back to your point of origin.  You are now back in your everyday reality.  You can return to this space and adjust your boundaries at any time.  If you think someone or something might be invading your boundaries, you can also return here to assess where they stand.

This post is part 2 in a multi-part series on boundaries and healing.  Part 3 will look at boundary violations.  Take notice of how you feel in the world once you have done this boundary visualization.  Do people treat you differently?  Do you attract different situations?  Were you surprised at all by what you saw?

Receive Intuitive Guidance Today @ Blue Moon Expo

Originally posted on Plano, TX Reiki Master & Intuitive:

Need clarity on your path? Insight on love, finances, purpose? Let me check in with your team of spirit guides at Dallas’ Blue Moon Expo.  I am offering readings for $1/minute, plus the cost of fair admission.

Check out Blue Moon Expo’s site for more information.

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DoubleTree Hotel
4099 Valley View Lane
Dallas, Texas 75244
Garden Terrace Room

11:00-6:00

You’ll know in your heart if a reading is right for you, so follow that instinct!

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Boundaries & Healing, Part 1: What Are Boundaries?

Establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries is pivotal for anyone doing healing work on themselves or others.  Many who are Imagedrawn to healing have big, generous hearts but find that others take advantage of their kindness.  Boundaries help us to distinguish ourselves from others and declare what energies we are willing to allow into our lives and which we refuse.  This allows us to stay safe and healthy so that we can actualize our mission to serve others.

Because we hold soul memories of oneness, it can seem odd to declare that we are separate from others or that we have particular needs.  But, lightworkers on this planet must learn to channel high frequency light in a way that honors the dense natural laws of the earth.  On earth, we work with time and material resources in the context of a cultural space that has its own structure and assumptions.  As much as we would like to see the world as being full of light and love, it can be a dangerous place, and it is naive to think that everyone has a pure intention.  We must guard our time, our physical resources, and our psychic space so that we can maximize our potential as healers.  Boundaries help us to do this.

Our boundaries function like a gatekeeper.  Ideally, the gatekeeper will allow in friendly energies and reject harmful energies.  But, many of us have adopted detrimental beliefs that undermine our sense of self and disempower us.  We may have grown accustomed to mistreatment or resigned ourselves to a life that is less than ideal due to these unconscious or subconscious failure patterns.  Because of this, our internal gatekeeper may allow harmful energies into our space and might also keep out beneficial ones!

But as we grow in self-awareness, we can begin to build boundaries that truly serve our highest good.  This post is part 1 in a multi-part series on boundaries and healing.  Part 2 will look at how we can establish effective boundaries.  In the meantime, consider what are your boundaries?  What experiences is your internal gatekeeper allowing into your life, and which is it rejecting?  Is this in alignment with your true needs and Spirit’s will for you?

Receive Intuitive Guidance Today @ Blue Moon Expo

Need clarity on your path? Insight on love, finances, purpose? Let me check in with your team of spirit guides at Dallas’ Blue Moon Expo.  I am offering readings for $1/minute, plus the cost of fair admission.

Check out Blue Moon Expo’s site for more information.

Double Tree Hotel

DoubleTree Hotel
4099 Valley View Lane
Dallas, Texas 75244
Garden Terrace Room

11:00-6:00

You’ll know in your heart if a reading is right for you, so follow that instinct!

Guided Shielding Meditation for Psychic Protection

Video

Many individuals who are drawn to healing work are empathic or highly sensitive and need psychic protection. In this guided meditation, I lead you through a visualization to ground, center, and guard your energy so that you can go through the day in peace.

Without a shield, you leave yourself open to be unduly influenced by others’ energies or energies from the collective. With a shield, you are able to contain and direct your energy according to your will in a way that serves your highest good. Try it and see the difference it makes.